I have cut myself off

MY daughter died suddenly 18 months ago and I thought my world had come to an end.

I cut myself off from everyone, even my husband. It’s taken a while, but I’ve come to realise that life has to go on, so I’m now trying to rebuild relationships with people I’ve neglected for too long.

I am still far from over my daughter’s death. Sometimes I just can’t stop myself from crying and other times I get so angry and I’ve been known to lash out at people who I know are only trying to help me.

Children are not meant to die before their parents and losing a child creates unbearable pain. - TZ

Fiona says: I think you have done remarkably well in recognising the need to start rebuilding your life.

Feeling angry now and then is perfectly natural, and I’m sure people around you understand.

I don’t know if you’d had any help in coming to terms with your loss, but do talk to The Compassionate Friends (www.tcf.org.uk), the organisation that helps bereaved parents. Do encourage your husband to talk to them as well - he is likely to be suffering just as much as you.

THEY WON'T STOP FIGHTING

MY daughter is 28 and still lives at home as she can’t afford a place of her own.

She and my husband are forever arguing - he’s not her dad, although he and I have been together 26 years, so he might as well be.

The main problem at the moment is her boyfriend, who my husband can’t stand as he’s unreliable, doesn’t seem to care much for her and we both think she’d be much better off without him.

The constant bickering and arguing is really upsetting me, but they don’t seem to care at all. - JM

Fiona says: Being caught in the crossfire is very unfair, but you need to make them know how you feel if you want things to change.

If your daughter can’t afford a place of her own and needs to depend on you, it isn’t unreasonable to expect there to be a few ground rules.

If possible, sit the two of them down and tell them how you feel; they both need to understand how miserable this is making you.