Letter from I G Hunt (From This Is Wiltshire)

Letter from I G Hunt

10:27am Thursday 18th March 2010 in

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QUEENS University researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.

This element has been around since Roman times but has eluded the man in the street.

The new Element. Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has : 1 neutron 25 assistant neutrons 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons *giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called Morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of Lepton-like particles called Pillocks. Since Governmentium has no electrons it is inert.

However, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second - but in fact takes from four days to four years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of four years.

It does not decay, but instead undergoes a re-organasation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each re-organisation will cause more Morons to become Neutrons, forming Isodopes.

This characteristic of Moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever Morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many Pillocks but twice as many Morons.

I G HUNT Hill View Road Swindon