ALONGSIDE widespread rejoicing that met the decision by Boris Johnson to exit Parliament came his appalling list of nominations for honours, a ghastly concoction full of sycophants and failures.

OK, the dreadful father Stanley was in the end excluded, it seems on the basis that nobody, anywhere, could stomach such nepotism.

His obsequious groupie Nadine Dorries stomped out when she didn't bag a peerage, despite the work she had done to impress him, undermining his hated BBC and seeking to liquidate Channel 4.

The list, eventually rubber-stamped by Rishi Sunak, comprised failed politicians, people who've done Johnson favours, cronies and employees he was sweet on.

His Damehoods included the universally despised Priti Patel but also the less well-known Dame Andrea Jenkins, a leading light in the ERG group and best known for giving Johnson protesters the middle finger as she left Downing Street (classy).

But it gets worse.

Tees Valley Mayor, His Lordship Ben Houchen allegedly has a history of shady deals and is under an independent review after corruption allegations.

Too much to list here but if you want the full SP, you need to take a look at Private Eye.

And unremarkably, awarding honours for Number 10 parties has not been overlooked.

A Damehood goes to Shelley Williams-Walker, seemingly known as DJSWW, who was responsible for party music, however Martin Reynolds - he of the "bring your own bottle" fame, seemingly in charge of food and drink - has been forced to settle for a mere CB.

Anyone who naïvely assumed the honours system was to reflect self-sacrifice, altruism or outstanding service must have choked on their cornflakes with this little lot.

There are honours for Johnson's hairdresser Kelly Dodge, although on reflection, I suppose having to listen to his ego for an hour each month whilst under the dryer, possibly merits her OBE?

Finally completing the carousel of cronies is an OBE for Sarah Vaughan-Brown, Carrie Johnson’s dog walker!

Does this cynical chum-ocracy have no limits?

Throw in a peerage for old mate Sean Bailey, a failed candidate for London Mayor who also featured in Partygate and you may think that was it .. but no.

Unbelievably the most egregious appointments are the creation of his Lordship Ross Kempsell and her Ladyship Charlotte Owen.

Whilst 30 year old Kempsell can at least claim some small life experience as a radio journalist, young Charlotte, since getting a 2:1 at York in 2015, has been a political lackey around Westminster ever since, but somehow must have caught Johnson’s eye?

She is 29!

One might reasonably ask what life experience she will bring to House of Lords debates.

I quickly did the maths. Assuming the Lords sits 300 days a year and these two are barely in their 30’s, it's quite possible, if they pop in at 11am, stay for the subsidised lunch, and show a few quid for travelling before kicking off their day jobs, that's circa £400 a day, which means each gross £120,000 a year over feasibly the next 50 years!

This calculation says these two alone will gross £12 million of our money in their lifetimes, yes £6 million each! Cheers Boris.

So, we have rewards all round for catastrophic failure.

It's clear that restraint has entirely collapsed when it comes to our ‘so-called’ honours system.

We should swiftly end this rotten example of patronage at its worst and quickly create a smaller, mostly elected, workmanlike, second chamber.

Starmer has said he will do this. Will he?

John Stooke,

Havisham Drive,

Haydon End